


The Purrrfect Crime

by Scruggzi



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: F/M, Jack has met his match, Just Add Kittens, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 07:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17096111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scruggzi/pseuds/Scruggzi
Summary: Even Melbourne's best detectives have to meet their match eventually......mrrrp.





	The Purrrfect Crime

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a fic last year called Braving the Storm in which Jack brings two abandoned kittens home for Christmas and it was so much fun I had to add this little bit of silliness.
> 
> Thanks to firesign23 for the beta and AllisonWonderland for the encouragement on the subject of kitfic.

“I’m sorry to say it Jack, but I don’t think we are going to get a confession this time.” Phryne shook her head as she reluctantly admitted defeat.

“It’s not like you to give up so easily, and we have narrowed it down to two obvious suspects,” Jack retorted, glaring at the offending parties with the full force of a Senior Detective Inspector. It had no effect whatsoever.

“Mrrrp.”

“Brrrp.”

The two kittens, somewhat larger and more adventurous than they had been at Christmas, but by no means full grown, were wearing angelic expressions of perfect innocence. Cleopatra attempted to curry favour by rubbing her head pointedly against Jack’s trouser leg, whilst Antony washed his ears with industrious enthusiasm and avoided eye contact altogether.

“Do you think you could get rid of that now?” Phryne asked, eyeing the dead mouse still dangling from Jack’s fingers with distaste.

“It’s important evidence,” he argued.

The offending item had been found in his shoe as he had attempted to put it on, resulting in a soldier’s curse Phryne had last heard him utter in far more pleasurable circumstances. For his part, Jack suspected that had her shoe been the one graced with a corpse, he could have expected a far less blasé reaction from his partner. He waved the mouse sternly at his suspects, who suddenly became very interested in what was apparently a dangling treat.

“Mrrrrrp mrrp.” Antony added hopefully, licking his lips.

“Was that a confession?” Jack asked, getting nothing but a confused blink in return.

“You know, Jack, it was probably intended as a gift.” Phryne pointed out, not even attempting to keep a straight face.

“Just what I always wanted.”

Cleopatra gave a pitiful mew and widened her eyes sorrowfully.

“You’re wasting your breath,” Phryne told her, attempting a show of solidarity with her partner, “neither of us are about to fall for your damsel in distress act, spill the beans!”

“Mrrrp.”

The noise was so reminiscent of Phryne cursing under her breath when rumbled that both detectives burst out laughing.

“Come clean and we can talk about dropping the murder charge to mouse-slaughter,” Jack offered, losing ground in this battle of wills already.

Phryne rolled her eyes heavily at his terrible punning. “Letting them off a little easily, aren’t we? We could turn the screws on them, deny them chicken scraps until they’re ready to talk.”

“MEErrorrw!” replied Antony indignantly.

“It appears you’re on to something. But we can’t starve our prisoners, Miss Fisher, and you would normally be the first to defend the rights of those in custody.”

“I never suggested starvation! Just a change in the menu.” She gestured towards the dead mouse which was swaying slightly back and forth where Jack held it by the tail. “I doubt anyone else is going to want to eat it.”

Cleopatra had been watching the little corpse with rapt attention whilst the detectives were otherwise engaged and decided to seize the opportunity for escape. She jumped up, snagged her prize from Jack’s fingers, and bolted out of the door to the surprise and confusion of two humans and her furry accomplice, who meeped.

“Come back here! Don’t you dare eat that evidence!” Jack gave chase, followed by Phryne, who was practically doubled up with laughter, and Antony, who was feeling hungry and happy to settle for mouse or chicken.

Unfortunately, in his focus on the chase Jack was not paying proper attention to where he was going and almost collided with Dot at the foot of the stairs. The sight of his Senior Constable’s wife appeared to remind the Inspector that he was currently in hot pursuit of a kitten – worse still, a kitten who had successfully stonewalled his interrogation and made off with the evidence.

“Mrs Collins, I’m so sorry,” he coughed nervously and went to straighten a tie which, as it was his day off, he was not actually wearing.

“That’s quite alright inspector,” Dot glanced from his embarrassed face to Phryne’s laughing one and concluded that they could hardly be chasing a real suspect.

“Were you…um, looking for someone?”

Phryne picked up Antony, who was still holding out hope that someone would turn into or provide chicken before the adventure was over, and scratched his ears until he purred.

“No, no. That is – you didn’t seen Cleopatra pass this way?” The phrase sounded so utterly ridiculous that for the first time Jack regretted his choice in pet names; he only just managed to stop himself from clarifying that he was talking about the cat and not the historical figure.

“I don’t think so, but you could check her basket in the kitchen.”

“Yes of course, thank you Mrs Collins,” Jack replied, collecting the last scraps of his dignity and heading to the kitchen, leaving Dot to level a confused look at Phryne who responded with a shrug.

“She’s a wanted criminal, Dot. Charges include ‘sabotaging the inspector’s shoe with a dead mouse’ and ‘removing evidence from a crime scene’.”

Dot nodded in amused understanding. “He’s normally very forgiving about that Miss, I expect he’ll let her off with a warning.”

“Well, thus far I’ve never put a mouse in his shoe,” Phryne laughed.

She shot a censorious look at Antony, who had begun batting ineffectually at her earrings. “The jury is out as to whether this one was an accomplice or merely an accessory to the crime,” she added, giving the offending party’s nose an admonitory boop.

They followed Jack into the kitchen to find him crouched by the dresser under which Cleopatra had apparently gone to ground.

“It appears you have the guilty party cornered, Inspector,” Phryne grinned. “You may as well give yourself up, we have you surrounded!” she added, for Cleopatra’s benefit.

Antony, who was still shaken by the suggestion that he might be denied access to his rightful allocation of chicken scraps, jumped out of her arms and made a beeline for Cleopatra’s hiding place. Seconds later she emerged, looking unbearably smug, and with the very tip of a mouse tail dangling from her mouth. As the assembled humans watched, she stalked over to the cat basket in the corner of the kitchen, sat down, swallowed the tail completely and licked her lips in satisfaction.

“Mrrp,” she announced to the room at large, apparently considering the matter settled.

Antony emerged from under the dresser and began industriously rubbing himself against Phryne’s legs in the hope that his part in apprehending the miscreant would be enough to keep chicken on the menu. She bent down to tickle his chin, chastising him mildly for his appalling lack of loyalty when his dinner was at stake.

Jack, meanwhile, picked up Cleopatra and brought her up to eye level; she had grown enough that she could no longer fit comfortably into one palm, but still looked tiny in his large hands.

“I see I’ve finally met my match, very hard to get a conviction without a body.”

“Mrrrrrp,” Cleopatra agreed, and began to purr contentedly as she snuggled into his chest.

“It was bound to happen eventually, Inspector,” Phryne commiserated, sharing an amused glance with Dot who stifled a giggle and proceeded to busy herself putting the kettle on. “But don’t worry, your secret’s safe with us.”


End file.
